Hand In My Pocket

Alanis Morrisette is to weakness as my mouth is in disgust to this coffee. Bar Gal:"Hazelnut Coffee for Mr. Queen", sounds like my third cup. I bet my toilet isn't looking forward to my visit later on (oh well!). Alanis Morrisette is hostel but tranquil, inventive but spiritual, and one of the most talented intellectuals in music. In the shadows, I crown her the symbol of unrecognizable power, listen to Hand In My Pocket you'll feel it. The lyrics blossom with substantial words that weave into my mood. What's my mood? Transcendent. She choruses "What it all comes down to, Is that every thing's gonna be quite alright, 'cause I've got one hand in my pocket, And the other one is hailing a taxi cab". My interpretation, her hand symbolizes her relaxed demeanor and the taxi is her way of saying drive me to hell, I can take on anything. You have those who view me the same way as her chorus and the ones that view me as delicate, fragile. Those who know me, are aware of what I've experienced and recognize my drive, I’m unbreakable. Sometimes I fall short of the smartest decisions but I tag it, fix it, and move on. Money can also be a factor in a decision. For example, today I missed my "institution" (as my coach calls it), I made the decision not to go simply because I can't afford the class, I barely have enough for next months’ rent (and if feels good). That was the best decision. But texting my coach 4 hours before the class starts to inform him of my absence, not the best decision. I knew I couldn’t afford it but I had to wait. I just felt that calling my attendance early in the week is already setting myself up for failure, I'm far too optimistic. I also like to wait "you never know I could get a call back the day before class" my infamous hope that my brain toggles while I'm endlessly tapping my oxfords wondering if I get a call from an interested employer. Fuck it, I took my chances and told him 4 hours before class, I fly by the seat of my pants it's just what I do, I never get to sit and think about what may happen, I just do it. To me that's the best way to live, imagine sitting and thinking about every decision before you made it, you’d crawl back to comfort. Comfort disgusts me. The satisfaction I get from struggling is empowering, I feel that’s the only way to appreciate the outcome of your decision making, suffering till you get what you want, mmm that tastes good.

Let's get to the point. I take chances. I don't quit. I'm not lazy. I don't worry. I just make decisions. Decisions that I'll pay for as I go, that turn into repetitive sequels with interminable climaxes. To be honest, I'm aching to experience it, so in the future when I play "Never Have I Ever" I'll walk out wasted. It's like waiting for Maury to say whether the bitch got knocked up or not, once again he did, and she's beating the white heads out of him. I always want to know what I'll be hit with next, I just see a pattern, it hits me immediately after executing a tough situation. Slapping the dust off my hands after a battle though is a sweet satisfaction that I don’t even think success could give me. Ironically, I have one big weakness, I view my timeline as cramped, so much to do so little time. Why do I think that way? Is that why I enjoy writing in my scheduler, because I have an unnecessary crave for completion? Whatever it is I like it, I work faster and harder for what I want.

Right, my point, I'm NOT weak, my brain never has a resting point because it's constantly putting out refurbished ideas, simply cause I'm NEVER scared of a challenge. Today I took a chance, the decision that I made could have cost me a spot in a conclusively effective class, but I don't quit. I will not fail. "'cause I've got one hand in my pocket, And the other one is hailing a taxi cab". Driver, surprise me, I’ll take that chance.