hmmmmm...idk

Masking, I was trying to do a gay kim k face but ended up looking like a bish (bitch) from a ray j video

Clippers

I need to stop biting my nails, it's so bad for me! Work is at 6pm which means I need to leave here by 4:30pm, I want to ride the train. The train ride, it sounds peaceful, I'm listening to Penthouse Serenade (Instrumental) by Nat King Cole Trio, it's great! Oh and followed by Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) by Florence + The Machine so good!!!

Monthly recap:
1.Got let go by my coach
2.No camera to use for video blog
Oh and my favorite
3.I have the EXACT amount I need for rent next month, no room for my phone and metro card so far.

The life I predicted to live when I got here is coming true, it sucks but it feels good. The drive is going to feel good, actually it does. I should probably stop predicting things and just let things do what it needs to do. I'm always anxious for something new to pop up, which leads to my addiction to biting my nails. So gross when I think about it. I watched Contagion about a month ago, that movie more than anything will make me quit. I'll be watching it again tonight. About to write for a while and then head to work. Suggestions from people who have an addiction with biting their nails, I need pointers on how to quit!!!!!!

SO OBSESSED

SO COZY! It's a lovely day and I'm ultra comfy, why? Why I'm trending my last-season-same-as-this-season JCrew thermal socks, they are so the trend and great for a nice day in or on the go.

HOW TO USE INSIDE: Simple lady!, just tuck them into your house pants (mine are jeans) grab a GIANT sweater, mug of chamomile, make sure to smile, and jump on your couch with a cuddy buddy. FOR ALL MY SINGLE LADIES CALL UP SOEONE WHO YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT AND DOESN'T MIND BEING USED AND JUST SNUG SNUG SNUG!

ON THE GO: I Gotcha K?" Toss these socks on this time over your outer wear pants (whether it be denim or your favorite house sweats) toss on chucks or boots, grab your keys, and GO! BITCH! GO! I call this Ankle Blanket On The Go so fun and so winter!

It's getting colder now in New York and I love rallying up inside a coffee shop with a mug and a snug smile. That will only be a dream this evening because I have work. Night!

Taking my sleeve off and giving you my band-aid

We all wear sleeves. Even in such an imperative sleeve usage season a few choose to wear tanks, some do it so people can hear their muscles chant "fuck the weather, I'm hotter than a red savina and Imma give people a little taste" looney toon thinks it's sexy till they freeze their little arms off and get sick, stuck at home, now who's lookin’ at cha? NOBODY. Others do it to broadcast an arrangement of perfectly parallel eye magnets, boobies, till the distraction mechanism becomes a pointy weapon then it’s like “Come on gal, get a thermometer and a coat”. And then there are people like me, fully clothed no matter what season it is. Winter, summer, spring, fall I rock my long sleeve button up with a bow tie. PERIOD. I’ve always lived in Texas, but this past summer was something like living in a giant microwave, it had its pros and cons. I was instantly slapped with sweat the moment I stepped out but I saved energy, microwavables were set outside, I guess you can say I’m an ol’ fashion gal by heart. Okay pause. Since I don’t want you to be over occupied with repetitive humor that I so nervously am displaying to mask my real point, let’s get down to it. FUCK. Do I have to get naked?. Although most don’t know this, due to my clean display of self-satisfaction plastered on my shirt tag and shoe bottoms, I have a closet full of insecurities. I was and still am to a degree a very masked person. Should I share this with you since I want to be looked up to as a role model, maybe not, but I want to be looked up to as who I am not who I act to be. Let’s take off my shirt. I’m a slender dude, I’m going to take some time aside and blame it a little on my supposed “ADD” diagnoses, Ritalin curved my appetite as a child and I feel like that paved my way to my appetite now. I could be wrong but I do not have ADD, I’m just completely crazy. Appetite Diluted Diagnoses. But I’m not insecure about how thin I am, it’s the fact that my body still resembles a little boy. SOMEBODY HIT THE PUBERTY BUTTON. To be as realistic as possible, I’ll never grow out of my young body shape which scares me cause I see men who are 50 with a figure like mine and they look like the men you don’t want babysitting your kids. Yucky ducks! Let’s shave my head Oh boy, my head shape. I use to cry about this. My mom has always said I have an alien shaped head and sometimes referred to it as an egg shaped. Which created an unproportionate picture in my head of my canvas. Is my head too heavy for my body? I have no idea, which led me to my “lights down, mirror honesty, lights on, animosity” activity. Do you ever turn off the lights in the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror, try to forget what you look like, and turn the lights back on in hopes to see how people actually view you? Kind of like a first glimpse. I love doing this because no matter what I look the same, that and the fact that I do this activity about 6 times just fucks my memory up. I look even more familiar than I really want to. This insecurity has caused me to become quite personal with any hair stylist, because nothing is worse than a skinny kid with a big ass head and even bigger hair. *zipp* time to take off my pants my legs look like spaghetti, YUMMMSSSS. I think that’s why I pad myself down when I go running because what’s better than seeing a little big headed noodle running around, I can just hear people saying “poor thing, the winds got him and his little legs are just swimmin’”. socks and shoes Hi yeti! Let's move, now it’s time to get down deep. shirt off, bandaid off I did my “lights down, mirror honesty, lights on, animosity” game today, and that’s when I saw it. Something that is so personal to me, so emotional that I try forget about it, but it’s so dark that it overpowers my skin color. It’s much of the reason why I always wear long sleeves, why even when I was being microwaved in Texas I was still wearing a long sleeve, why when my old boss tried to make me wear a T-shirt I told him no, and why I wore a bandage on my arm my whole middle school and high school years. Wow this sucks, but I feel like this will put an end to my hardship. My birthmark. Where is it? My mid left arm. Sounds silly I know, but it isn’t because it’s completely visible. My family of course has seen it and the only other person is Trey and when I’m with him it’s weird but I don’t even realize it’s being exposed, but once I’m in public I can feel it. At one point I wanted to die over it. Imagine that, "young teen kills himself because he was marked on his arm", sounds so damn silly. "Jaycee, suicide?" Sounds crazy I know, cause I'm a giant advertisement for www.ifuckinlovelife.com but yes that was one reason suicide has been considered. In fact during my darkest times I contemplated setting up an at-home surgery table with only a bag of ice and a sharp knife to cut it off. With a limited resource of ice, I moved on to giving up my nose job and started saving up for birthmark removal. But then I said. “Fuck that plastic shit”. I’m Jaycee Coleman Queen. The goofy guy with the big smile and the confidence that inspires. I need to remain the role model that I practice every day. I’m skinny not buff, my nose is big but I mind my own business, my legs are noodles but it adds volume to a bowl of drive, my feet are big but I don’t step on people, and I have a birthmark but the mark I’ll make on this world will be bigger and more pigmented than the land that gives us life. Oh wow that was more emotionalt than I expected. So I am here tonight, taking my sleeve off and giving you my band-aid as a souvenir to remember its not about how much you bench or how big your boobs are its how you leave your mark.

Want to rip off your band-aid? Feel free to e-mail me (365daystofame@gmail.com) something that you may want to share, it will be extremely confidential and I would love to hear feedback. It's hard I know but it feels so lovely to rip it off. Feel free to share anything in the comment box below, just click the drop down, and enter your name and comment. This is definitely a post that was my hardest but I am glad I shared this.

Walking Through

Today was such an experience, but started with a lazy morning. I woke up at 10am but decided it would be in my interest to lay around for a little over an hour. Lazy more like are you crazy, I'm nuts. So I got up and started getting dressed 2 hrs later I was on the Manhattan bound F train that was playing on my team this evening. I walked past Central Park and some scenery along the way, just when I thought I've seen everything, I've seen nothing. If I payed close attention to every building I past I see history. It's stunning, one moment is a modern stylish building and right smack on its side is a old antique building. I love to play the "which one is more expensive" if only they would let me in then I would be able to quit wondering. Since nobody wants some era confused boy stumbling at their door, I decided I can afford to keep wondering. Today this lady was staring at me so long I felt her eye balls coming towards me. I imagine it would feel horrible if she got sprayed with pepper spray or even worse numbing spray, that shit would fuck her up, oh and I bet her contacts are spazzed out, she has these big ass eyes and not much contact to fill it all. Back to her staring at me, she was either shocked or or drank mad coffee, because she didn't flinch. I joined in and her eyes got bigger, didn't know it was possible but they did. Oh for sure her eye balls will be on the floor in a few seconds. My stop, my diagnoses, she was asleep? As I got off the train that's when I realized the beauty in this city, I took some pictures for future references. I went inside the Time Warner Building and it was so beautiful, it's one of the only indoor malls in the city, everything else are free standing boutiques. I see buildings and I draw more pictures in my head. At first all I thought was San Antonio is better, San Antonio is better. But I see you New York, you're rubbing off on me. My manager and I talked a few minutes ago, he is getting me a photographer, I have a few ideas that I would like to do for the blog so Feb 3rd is the date so far! Yeay! No auditions this week though written in but I'm sure something will come up, I'm going to search a little too while my manager searches for some too. I'm at Starbucks and it's empty, quiet, and relaxing. Not going to lie I really want to see ChopStix sometimes. Trey is taking me out to eat this evening, what a surprise, I really want to clean the apartment but I swear he is such a distraction. He cryies like taking barbie away from a brat when he doesn't eat. He acts light headed and like he's about to die. That's what I love about Trey his habits are harmless and he's such a goof. When I tell people about how Trey and I's relationship works they think it's so unhealthy but it's far too wonderful. But that will be a different post, actually that will be tomorrows post. Working on the video and happy to share some of the scenery, i want to capture things that tourist forget to appreciate. I hope everybody has a great weekend and get dressed to this playlist!

"Where's my scratch?"

I had an audition today. I need to laugh a little about it. My biggest weakness in acting and what I'm currently working on is I'm far too theatrical. Any acting class or audition I've been in, never fails they find a way to say "Woah Theater Queen, come down off your thrown". Think of me as a young Liza, I can't get off my thrown and no you can't take away my lace and sparkle. I went to the audition because nothing is better than experience and it was something different. They were looking for people around the age of 18 or looked it for a tough Greek punk. HAHAHA me, Jaycee, tough? Never going to happen, a tied up blind bunny can kick more ass than me. That's why I'm not a bunny I'm a butterfly. I fly, I'm colorful, I'm gentle, and I can transform. Well at this audition I can still say I was a butterfly, still was flying and colorful, but maybe too colorful. They wanted me to be a bully with my brother (another actor) and all I could hear were laughs, they kept saying I wasn't convincing. I'm a horrible mean person. I was so fuckin loud too, volume use to be another issue but I hear it's just fine now. We had to start over 3 times with the kid and with pride I did. The best thing about it all is that kid actually looked afraid of me but I think I was theatrically overwhelming him. So then they wanted a drug deal part, I needed to act like a tough drug dealer who owed someone money, but I came to this someone for more, and that someone was a big giant mafia dude, this is the part where I was the most embarrassed. Okay so the guy was legitimately tough, so he's getting real mean and shit and I'm doin my thing, then the casting director stopped us. I was too sarcastic and was joking about everything, if it was a real situation he would have popped me again after my opening joke, my first pop was for wearing a bow tie at a drug deal. Well where is this drug dealing uniform he speaks off? So it gets better. We are about to go in for the third time and by that time they all can't take me serious, they think I'm just this ubber goober who is simply a silly goose head, which I am. Casting director starts us up again, he's doin his thing I'm doing mine, and then he says "Where's my scratch", mind you this audition is improv something that is very familiar to me, although I've yet to hear of this "scratch" he was so looking for, then in character I say, "scratch? why the fuck would I have a lotto ticket" SOOOOOO EMBARASSING. Guess nows a good time to start my new blog, "365 reasons I shouldn't be an actor". They all looked at me like an idiot and told me "scratch" means money. Well damn, next time give me a heads up that I'de be getting a vocab lesson, too much slang around here. Anyways I'm glad I went I got a good laugh and I'm practicing more to get rid of this over the top habit. Right now, I am hanging out till work, I have to work my first night shift 8pm - 1am, Fri and Sat I'm off so I'll be working on my next episode which will be called "Hang With Me", the job search got in the way a little but I'm back in da bizz. I'm hoping for more auditions like this, I'm looking forward to work and fix my habits, so I can scratch that one off and move on to another.

hiii

For the first time right now, I got on the train, and felt like I'd been here all of my life. I was born in New York City and was just smiling at all the changes. What I remembered growing up in the city, how I remember where I was on the day of the towers, and how I remember the kids in Brooklyn that I grew up with. I think that when I was growing up my vividly unimaginably realistic dreams would build a life in Manhattan. I feel like I grew with these buildings, my mind is just as old as them, we use to cook for the construction workers, can hear them speak to me through my childhood, comforting my fear of flying, and now telling me not to be so nervous. I'm nervous, what should I do? but what's to worry I grew up a New Yorker, I built this city remember, and now I'm thinking of old construction stories oh shit I have grandchildren. STOP BLABBERING!!!! I'm on the train, and I feel at home. I always say if this doesn't work that I'de move to London and study theater there, can you imagine me there? *british accent* I don't know friend. yeah I don't know too. All I know is that I'm on my way to become a better learner, these are just the baby steps, I'm was just nervous now I'm calm, I can breath, I'm smiling, ampt that I'm using my new planner. *british accent* was it the one you forgot to look at this morning love? shit that's right that's why I'm behind, I have work today but I'm never nervous about that, okay wait...why am I even on the train right now?...wow I literally have to think. Oh that's right...I have an audition.