"Where's my scratch?"

I had an audition today. I need to laugh a little about it. My biggest weakness in acting and what I'm currently working on is I'm far too theatrical. Any acting class or audition I've been in, never fails they find a way to say "Woah Theater Queen, come down off your thrown". Think of me as a young Liza, I can't get off my thrown and no you can't take away my lace and sparkle. I went to the audition because nothing is better than experience and it was something different. They were looking for people around the age of 18 or looked it for a tough Greek punk. HAHAHA me, Jaycee, tough? Never going to happen, a tied up blind bunny can kick more ass than me. That's why I'm not a bunny I'm a butterfly. I fly, I'm colorful, I'm gentle, and I can transform. Well at this audition I can still say I was a butterfly, still was flying and colorful, but maybe too colorful. They wanted me to be a bully with my brother (another actor) and all I could hear were laughs, they kept saying I wasn't convincing. I'm a horrible mean person. I was so fuckin loud too, volume use to be another issue but I hear it's just fine now. We had to start over 3 times with the kid and with pride I did. The best thing about it all is that kid actually looked afraid of me but I think I was theatrically overwhelming him. So then they wanted a drug deal part, I needed to act like a tough drug dealer who owed someone money, but I came to this someone for more, and that someone was a big giant mafia dude, this is the part where I was the most embarrassed. Okay so the guy was legitimately tough, so he's getting real mean and shit and I'm doin my thing, then the casting director stopped us. I was too sarcastic and was joking about everything, if it was a real situation he would have popped me again after my opening joke, my first pop was for wearing a bow tie at a drug deal. Well where is this drug dealing uniform he speaks off? So it gets better. We are about to go in for the third time and by that time they all can't take me serious, they think I'm just this ubber goober who is simply a silly goose head, which I am. Casting director starts us up again, he's doin his thing I'm doing mine, and then he says "Where's my scratch", mind you this audition is improv something that is very familiar to me, although I've yet to hear of this "scratch" he was so looking for, then in character I say, "scratch? why the fuck would I have a lotto ticket" SOOOOOO EMBARASSING. Guess nows a good time to start my new blog, "365 reasons I shouldn't be an actor". They all looked at me like an idiot and told me "scratch" means money. Well damn, next time give me a heads up that I'de be getting a vocab lesson, too much slang around here. Anyways I'm glad I went I got a good laugh and I'm practicing more to get rid of this over the top habit. Right now, I am hanging out till work, I have to work my first night shift 8pm - 1am, Fri and Sat I'm off so I'll be working on my next episode which will be called "Hang With Me", the job search got in the way a little but I'm back in da bizz. I'm hoping for more auditions like this, I'm looking forward to work and fix my habits, so I can scratch that one off and move on to another.

hiii

For the first time right now, I got on the train, and felt like I'd been here all of my life. I was born in New York City and was just smiling at all the changes. What I remembered growing up in the city, how I remember where I was on the day of the towers, and how I remember the kids in Brooklyn that I grew up with. I think that when I was growing up my vividly unimaginably realistic dreams would build a life in Manhattan. I feel like I grew with these buildings, my mind is just as old as them, we use to cook for the construction workers, can hear them speak to me through my childhood, comforting my fear of flying, and now telling me not to be so nervous. I'm nervous, what should I do? but what's to worry I grew up a New Yorker, I built this city remember, and now I'm thinking of old construction stories oh shit I have grandchildren. STOP BLABBERING!!!! I'm on the train, and I feel at home. I always say if this doesn't work that I'de move to London and study theater there, can you imagine me there? *british accent* I don't know friend. yeah I don't know too. All I know is that I'm on my way to become a better learner, these are just the baby steps, I'm was just nervous now I'm calm, I can breath, I'm smiling, ampt that I'm using my new planner. *british accent* was it the one you forgot to look at this morning love? shit that's right that's why I'm behind, I have work today but I'm never nervous about that, okay wait...why am I even on the train right now?...wow I literally have to think. Oh that's right...I have an audition.